Someone Else's Arms

Oh yes.
It has regretfully happened.


Since when does a stupid kiss turn into a love confession? If I had actually taken them seriously then I would have never gotten so close to them. I didnt know someone could make me want to rip their eyes out.

Because really.
I didnt want them to confess.


But now that they have I feel like compensating them for feelings I will never share. I have an idea, a way to honor them, but it's nothing close to what they truly want.

No. My heart is something I cant part with again.


I wish I could say, "Sorry but someone has already taken my heart and I've come to realize that I will never give anyone that kind of power ever again."

It leaves me too...
Open.

Vunerable.

Trusting.

Forgiving.

And it makes my mind become clouded with thoughts of holding hands and simple, chaste kisses.


No, I cant have that again.


But really, there was nothing behind that kiss.
Nothing that would spark the thought, She loves me or I should tell her my heart's desire... Right now.

No.

I did nothing of the sort.


I did not caress their face lovingly.

I did not gaze at them with thoughtful eyes.

I did not kiss their cheek in a way that whispers of something more.

I did not call them 'beautiful' or tell them 'You mean everything to me. You're everything, everyone, everywhere, every night and every day.'

I did not graze their hand with my own.

I did not laugh or smile with the faint wind of a blush.

I did nothing of the sort.


And, yet here I am. Complaining about this idiot's actions and how they can misunderstand every action I take and every emotion I fake.
I feel like a little child being denied something they want desperatley.


Is it too much to ask?
Is it too much to say, "I'm going to kiss you, but leave it at that. You need this more than I do, but I do not love you.
So please do not love me back"?
is it truly that difficult?
Can I not give someone my warmth and expect nothing in return?
Can I not receive so many people, so many times, and have them tell me how much they love me?

Because I do not want it.

I do not want your heart.

I do not want your kiss.

I do not want your 'love'.


I've had too many people tell me how much they love me and how I'm everything to them, or how they would die rather than see me unhappy. I'm tired of having ex-boyfriends look at me like they are still in-love with me.

I'm tired of being the girl that everyone wants to love.


No.
Not anymore.


I figured, if I left that place, if I came to the oppostie world... Private school... Then maybe everything will be backwards and I can be called a nerd or something degrading.


Is it madness to say I'm tired of being loved?

For once, I'd like to come into a building and have everyone loathe the very sight of me.
Just to see what it feels like.


I know lonleiness.

I know sadness.

I know anger.

I know happiness.

I know confusion.

I know confidence.

I know fear.

I know contenment.

I know pain.

I know excitment.


I understand everything but the plain fact on how everyone can have the universal feeling towards me.


Love.


Really.
Someone elucidate because I may just go insane with these morons confessing to me.


I've loved someone, sure, but that was a while ago and now I dont want anything to do with said emotion.


My heart was not broken.

My pride may have been bruised.

My trust may have became tighter and harder to hold onto.

My fear may have grown.

My mind became more sharp.

My memories will always remain.


Once was enough. I'm a fast learner and I learned that, to give your whole entire heart to someone is plain insanity and to do so means to become sane in the process. I learned that no one will hold my whole heart but rather a peice of it.


I learned that someone can be in-love, but their walls around their heart can make them unable to feel anything; no matter how badly they want to.


So tell me, is what I wish for too much?

Can I kiss you and not have your heart explode? Can you not tell me you love me and that you'll do anything for me and that all you want in life is to see me happy?

Please?

I know there are a few of you who will message me back and say, "Haha Sammy, I love you but not like THAT."
But I assure you, I am not joking.


It seems love will never be lost on me. It seems that, as long as I am alive, there will always be someone who thinks or dreams of me constantly.
I feel that, even when I am gone, I will still be in someone's heart; in their mind as well.


Love seems to be the one emotion that gives me the most trouble.
Not with understanding, but with dealing.


Love made me do spontaneous things for one person. Love made me turn on the radio, or my I-pod, and think of them during every single song that played through my cerebellum. Love made me cry, and laugh, without warning and without stopping. Love deprived me of sleep, dreams, food, and money.


Love is what now ails me. There should be a line and I should be there at the door waiting for the next person to come near and say, "Are you here to give me your heart? Then, please, take a number."
Because it feels like they just keep coming.

Love is what makes me angry.
Angry at the fact that I can never just be.
No, I must have someone in-love with me at all times. Never can I just be me, myself, and I.


Love is what drove a fool to cry on the bathroom tile.

Love is what drove their eyes too look at me with such sadness that I ushered everyone out and locked the bathroom door behind me.

Love is what made them cry in my arms and hold me so tightly that I felt my muscles were collapsing.

Love is what made them whisper desperatley, "Please, say something."

And is was Love that made their voice so pleading, degrading, and heart wrenching that I pulled them from my arms and placed a short kiss on their tear stained mouth.

Love is what drove them to lose their hands in my hair and try to commit my taste to memory.

Love is what drove me to gently shove them away.


Because I, unfortunatley, will never retrieve my heart from it's kidnapper.
And, when they tried to deepen my kiss, I could only think of the person I probably should be kissing right then and there.


And it was fucking Love that made their tongue dance out the language of their fragile heart.


"S-Sa--"
"What?"
"I... Maybe I shouldnt say this..."
"What's wrong?"
"You're the reason why I'm crying. I cant keep looking at your face and know that... That I... Can never have you."
"Wh--"
"Freak out if you want, but... I just... I... I wake up everyday just to hear your voice... I... I think I might... No... I know that I...--"
"Maybe you shouldnt say anymore."
"No, I want to... Sam.... I love you. I love every part of you, the good and the bad... I want to be with you no matter what it takes or how hard it gets... You're all that matters to me now... Please dont run away from me... I just... I've always wanted to tell you this and... Please, say something. You're just looking at me and it makes me want to cry again. Tell me you love me too and that you can finally complete my broken heart. You've become everything to me, Sam... Tell me I've become the same to you."
"..."

Heh.

'Tell me I've become the same to you'.

Should we call that arrogance or confidence?

I'd like to call it 'stupid'.

I'd like to tell them, "You idiot. What the hell have I done to make you feel such things? What possessed you to make such a foolish descion? Do you not know who I am? Do you not know of my parasitic personality that we have conversed over time and time again? Do you not realize your simple mistake? How fucking stupid can you be to choose me? Take a look at the world again and choose someone else.
Throw a fucking dart and pick that way, but not me. My heart was never intended for two. It's like trying to fit Alice in that tiny door without drinking the shrinking potion first. It wont work. Not now, not ever because there is no potion that will allow you to fit inside. Not one. Spouting out lyrics, sonnets, and affectionate words with chaste actions against my skin will not allow you entry. You will never find the door, because it is hidden too well for someone of your low intellect. Step outside of this bathroom refreshed and find someone else. Because, frankly, you are a fool for ever setting your sights on me."

But what did I say instead?
More lies or just empty silence?
Did I smile and say, "I'm sorry."
Or did I pull them into an embrace and say, "There are better people out there than me"?
Perhaps I simply stood and walked out.

Or maybe I did nothing.


Who's to say? Who's to tell?

There are many secrets in this world, in my heart, but whether I choose too show them to you is soley up to me and my decisive mind.


To be honest with one person... To open myself and leave my heart vunerable and pleading... Heh, well, such a thought seems to be degrading and not worth a note of my time.


A kiss means nothing until I wish it too.


The same goes for the truth.


If I choose to tell you who I am, what I want, and where I'll go, it will mean you are someone I admire and you are on the same plane I am. It will mean you are the only one who can cut me and actually leave a scar.


I kiss many people. Pratically every being I come across. And yet I still think my first kiss has yet to be experienced.

Because, if you can feel the real emotion in my kiss, you should know that you will be my ultamite downfall. That I have fallen hard and completely over you and that no one will ever compare to you.


And, no matter what happens afterwards, you will always be remembered by my heart as the person who vexed, confused, and completely defeated me. No one will ever stand up to you.

You will be my only one.

And, even if we dont see eachother for twelve years and leave on terrible terms, if I glance at you my heart will still skip a beat and then fall over itself frantically once you are gone.


To that, you can hold true.


Because you should never be sure of anything else when you're around me.


Who knows if I'm just playing mind games with you?
My smile seems to be the most disarming peice of equipment I own.

And my words have proved, time and time again, that this delicate web can ensare anyone into doing what I see fits my current plan and need.


Dexterous fingers and searching eyes...
Intoxicating words and decieving touches...
A fog made for the mind brought on by my own...

Who's to say I'm not using these things on you?

But, one thing I will do without...
Is
the
Love
of
other
people.


With all this said and read, will you still take the hand that's outstreched towards you?
Even if you cant clearly see the face of it's owner?
Or the intentions?

The deeper you step into the Light, the greater your Shadow becomes.

Crazy Mary.

  Yeah, I know I haven't been on in a while. FM Static is my new favorite band. Anyways. (This will be quick. I hafta' take a shower.)

Wow...
I got new clothes yesterday.
I look so damn... Pimp? Ugh, I've said that too much.

"I look so damn pimp!"
"Oh, that would make me so pimp!"
"Whadaya know? I'm so--" Aidrian hit me. "AH WHAT?!"
"Stop saying pimp!"
"You're just jealous." Tristan glomps me. "See?"

Haha. Yesterday was so much damn fun. I got my perfume Nina too! HA AMBAR! It smells soooo good.
"Smell this!" I said.
"No." Aidrian said.
"Please Aidrian?"
"Okay... Wow... That smells really good...." The whole day he was like, "Give me your arm again." And smelling it.

I saw a Katherine Re-mix. She looked exactly like her. 'Cept she had a guy around her arm. We all stared.

Aidrian kidnapped a puppy at the pet store and Tristan said, "I could be your puppy instead."
"Okay." He drops it and carries Tristan. Me and Cecil had to chase after that damn puppy to get it back. It didnt help that she kept tripping me.

We sang "A Whole New World" together. When we were on the last verse she says, "Whos Jasmine? Whos Aladdin?"
"Umm...." I blinked. "Who do you want to be?"
"Aladdin? You look more like Jasmine anyway."
"Why the hell does everyone say that?" I shook my head and she laughed. So we ended the song and she gave me a kiss.

Isn't that sweet?

I started giggling and Aidrian said, "I told you, Sam."
"Shut the hell up."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"I'm so pimp."
"God dammit."

We went clothes shopping cause Tristan bitched about me having no clothes. I got stuff from all places. Me and Cecil did poses, just like I used to, and I felt better when Tristan came in all girl clothes in hot topic. He was in a CORSET! Jesus...

"You want a lap dance?" I grinned as I asked Cecil.
"Um..." She blushes.
"Then why are you in the dressing room with me?"
"Uh..."
"Cecil... I was kidding about the lap dance."
"OKAY!" She's breathing un evenly and I start laughing. We had to change together and I say, not really looking, "Damn Cecil. I didnt know you had all that."
"WHAT?!" She flips around, but I wasnt really looking so I start laughing. We found my dad looking at sunglasses, and Aidrian bought him some. Aw!
"Your dad's..."
"Please dont say hot."
"No... He's pretty cool."
"Oh... Okay.."
"Are you fucking kidding me? He's OLD." 

"Those jeans really do hug your ass! Dave wasnt lying!" Aidrian said. "I'd go straight for you." Haha.

It ended with Cecil and I dancing in Hollister to FM Static "Girl of the Year". It has now been dubbed my new theme song and we see this OLD DUDE shopping there and he looks at me and I say, "Oh, I'm going out with her." I put my arms around Cecil. "Sorry." He looks away and Cecil blushes. Haha.

Today I'm gonna get the Axel fabric with my tia and Cecil! HELL YES! We're MAKING it! How cool is that? I am so excited. Cecil might be Roxas, we dont know yet. It depends on how much the fabric is and if I dont find someone else. I dont mean that in a "Cecil is a last resort", but she's never cosplayed and she's nervous. I told her all the things and might, and probably will, encounter, and she doesnt want to be mobbed by fangirls. She's afraid, haha.
"What if one of them hates Roxas and tries to stab me?"
"What...?" Ha. So, if I find someone else who looks good in a good wig, or is blonde, and isnt one of my ex-boyfriends, then I'll have them. If we dont have enough money for another coat, then... I'm kinda screwed come May. Unless I find a Roxas there... Which would be COOL! But still... I'd prefer it to be Cecil since I wouldnt mind her being the Roxas to my Axel.

Haha. That sounds so cool and wrong at the same time.

Oh, and god dammit. Everyone at Pius is wierd. Seriously. Travis is crushing on me, he told me so I'm not just thinking he is, and so I try to stay away the 'L. O. V. E." Subject. Matt is the only one I cant read at Pius, so when he tries to tickle me, and just ends up squeezing the crap outta me, and making my sides hurt, I tell everyone about it. When his hair is back he looks Italian... And cool. Very weird. He thinks his forehead is big? Hell-to-the-no. Gloria was like, "I guess the Bounds just have something the Flores' cant resist."
"Are you saying I like him?"
"Yes."
"Are you saying he likes me?"
"Yes."
"Stop it."
"No." Haha. Oh, I was talking about Axel with Eric, and he says, "Why do you like him?"
"I don't know.. I just like him."
Matt comes up and says in my ear. "Who do you like?" I freak out and say, "MATT! DONT DO THAT GOD DAMMIT!" He stole Lydia's Math book and I yelled, "If you dont come back in 5 minutes, I'll know you're masturbating to it!"
He turns around. "You still think I like her?"
I look at Eric and he whispers, "Dont go there. Dont go there!"
"Um... HI Matt!" He throws the book on the floor and comes after me. I run everywhere and Erik comes and catches me.
"LEMME GO!"
"Why?"
"NO TIME JUST LEMME GO!"
"NO!" Matt's running up to me. "Dont! I'm gonna get her!"
"LEMME GO, ERIK! OR I'LL TELL HALEY A BIG LIE THAT WILL MAKE HER HATE YOU!"
"Shit!" He lets me go like a virus, but Matt grabs my arm and he's trying to spill a water bottle on me. We wrestle for it and I end up getting soaked.

Oh, and Eric thinks me and Robyn are gay for eachother? Ha, no.
"You said you made her wet."
"I SPLASHED her, dumbass!"
"That's not what you said."
"Whatever."

All-in-all, fun.

And FM Static blaring through the speakers.

ALSO! Frozen Summers and I are writing a story together!!!! IT'S AWESOME! We're e-mailing everyday and I know alot more about her. We still need a title, but I think it's a great storyline. She helps me out with problems I have, and vise versa. We joke, talk, and even send videos of ourselves! Haha. Its usually just us saying our reply to the last e-mail. Although I gave the camera a kiss and I said, "That's for you." She sent me a video laughing her ass off and she gave her camera a wink and a pretend strip-tease. I never knew she could be so much fun.

Haha, we're such dorks. At least when we're together. Talkin' about Axel, fangirls, stories, eachother, us, and how we would come to see eachother everyday if we lived close to one another.
"I dont care about distance." She said. "I'd jump a plane for you."
"Haha, me too, Step. Me too."
"I know I'm in China... You're in Texas... But we could make it work!"
"Haha, we'd end up getting married and I'd move over to China for you."
"Sweet."
"And then you'd hafta' be my sex slave."
"Crap."
"Haha."
"If I was the sex slave, then who'd be the girl in the relationship?"
"Dude, you've got the guy haircut. So you."
"Yeah. I wanted it to be you anyways. You're prettier."
"Dont start that argument again!"
"Ha, sorry."

Haha, she's so damn cool.

Just Get the Air to You're Brain Already!

Well, I havent been on here for a while. So... Here goes.

Last week I didnt go to school. It was probably the most fun I've had while being incapacitated. Me and Cecilmade up our own love song about eachother, and I almost stopped breathing because I was laighing so hard. She was the most beautiful voice, but still. She just needs lyrics, thats all.

I've had numerous people tell me I look like Kate Beckinsale in that Van Helsing movie. That I look like Vanessa Hudgens from that GOD DAMMED High School Musical. And also that I look like Emmy Rossum. Its getting really annoying now. I mean, I should take it as a complient, since all those girls are pretty, and no one said I looked like Kevin Spacey in Superman Retuns. But still! Okay, it's nice the fist couple times, then it gets okay, then it gets annoying, then it gets under your skin and you want to shout, "I LOOK LIKE ME, DAMMIT!" But, obviously, I dont. That was the only bad part about that week. I got into a fight Monday, in the hospital for Tuesday and Wednsday, got a nice green dress that I loved since last Easter Thursday, and a few other surprises on Friday. Haha.

Anyways, today was my first day back, and damn! At first, I slipped by with a smile and a wave, and I was releived to not be bombarded with the whole "Where were you?" scenario I always end up with. But that didnt last long since I always end up with it. Robyn showed up. She makes me laugh alot. Katie asked, and, when I said my arm was f-- up, she wanted an explanation. So I told her about the fight, the glass, the huige gash pierving past my armpit, and the icky bumbs that followed it. She grossed out and I just sighed and kept going. Olga smiles, looking pretty tired, but still pretty, and says, "Me and Misti were looking for you everywhere on Monday. I asked her and I thought you were dead." I giggled at that.

Theology, Tessa and Haley hugged me so hard I fell ontop of my desk and Trey yelled, "Hell yes!" I was laughing and Haley said, "Dont you ever leave for that long again! I missed you too much, and I looked like a loser sitting here by myself!"
"Haha, okay Haley." I said.
"Yeah, Sam," Tessa said. "how could you bear life without me for so long? I thought we loved eachother."
"She loves me more." Haley pushes Tessa off me.
"You're just the stupid fool, and I'm the real relationship. Sam knows I can give her what she wants and needs." She smiles at me. "Right?"
I just blink and say, "Did you dye your hair?" She laughed and gave me a very tight hug. Me and Haley giggled about what I missed last week. She told me about Erik, her home life, and things I didnt know about her. In Homeroom me and Robyn pretened to be blonds and we giggled at ourselves. I kept making Haley yawn and I yelled, "WOULD YOU JUST GET THE OXYGEN TO YOUR BRAIN ALREADY?! YOU'RE MAKING ME YAWN!!" She made me yawn dozens of times and Mrs. Carr made me stand up infront of the class and te;; everyone why I missed a week of school.
"If it was that serious. We all should know." She says.
So I tell. So much for privacy, huh? Greg looked at me like I was gonna dissapear so I raised my arms high in the air and yelled, "I'm here!" he smiled wide and I giggled.

In Math, I giggled with Travis, Haley, and Lizzie. She hugs my head to her chest and I say to her jacket, "I like that."
"I like this." She pokes my cheek. I giggle.
"But you cant have that." haley says. I look at her.
"What?" Lizzie says.
"You cant have that."
"Why not?"
"Because." She grabs my arm. I look at Travis and he whispers, "Gaaaay."
"Shut up!" I hiss. Lizzie talks about her problems with Tori and Claire and we do our best to give her advice. Haley takes my pen apart and throws it all everwhere. They draw on my worksheets and my hand, but it washes off later. I take a slow time to get out of Math so I can be by myself for the walk to my locker. travis always walks with me, but when I take too long, I tell him to go the other way since he meets Squishy (Ashley) that way. He says he doesnt want to, but I wanted to be by myself. I like that about the hallways. I like being able to think about things during the five minutes we have to scamper from class to class. It's all I really need. I thought about a lot of different things. Mostly about how in the hell I'm going to convince Tristan that Aidrian actually likes him. No loves him more than anything. I almost groaned when he came to my house crying about it. For some reason, he doesnt see that, if Aidrian didnt like him, he would have left him long ago. I actually forgot my locker combination because I was so mad at him. How the hell can he not think Aidrian likes him?! I mean, there were things that Aidrian did... That he gave up for Tristan and Tristan thinks he doesnt like him? Ugh. But I cant tell him about all that cause Aidrian wanted to, but never did. It's all very f-ing stupid.

In Bio, me and Tomoko laughed at eachoher cause of the test we were supposed to have today. I told katya what happened and Jeralyn was really happy to see me. Jonathan was there too and we giggled (well I giggled he laughed loudly) about old Seton times.

In World History I smiled and waved at Greg and he smiled widely again. Everytime I look at him, he smiles, and that makes me smile. We had to read this thing infront of everyone. The readers picked the next readers and Misti picked me. I got these goddammed hard-ass words and I was fumbiling over myself because I wasnt paying attentiona dn all I was thinking about was Tristan. I had made it so the entire day I was alone in the hallyways so I could figure out a solution. But nothing came! Then, some white boy, was making fun of me and, whenever I said something wrong he would correct me and say, "Thatr's kindergarden stuff. It's first grade stuff, come on." I was blushing so hard. So, when I was done, I called his ass up, and whenever he stumbled I yelled, "It's first grade stuff!" And I corrected him. I tried my hardest not to laugh, since I wanted it to be serious, but I couldnt help it. When he was done making a fool outta himself, he sat down and stared at me for a while. I gave him a smile and looked to the reader.

Spanish, me and Misti finally sat together and we snickered about her new friend named Aaron and how cute he was and stuff. It was stupid, girly, but still. I missed her.

Sean kept hitting me whatever chance he got during school, and this was no different after school. He gave me a hug, I got a lot, but still! We got into a water bottle fight and Matt just laughed. A lot of other stuff happened but I cantreally talk right now since my mom wants me to get off. It was really fun though!!!

Oh, and me and Me my Mom and My sister went to Red Lobster and had  a really fun time too!

We have to go into the Garage where we cant get Caught

Friday, Yesterday, and Today were the best days ever.

I spent the night at Ambi's house.

Her mom says I'm her daughter.

I met these cool new people, and Lilly is so damn cool.

I drank Smirnoff with her and Ambi.

I laughed so hard I cried.

I made Ambi's parents crack up a million times.

I cant even begin to explain how awesome it was.

I laughed hard with Dani for once in a million years.

I went to Sunday School for the first time and was as loud as can be.

We made fun of kids.

We had fun.

I felt like life couldn't get any better than this.

It didn't even matter that I missed the Myspace Concert, and that Cecil is mad. She'll fall back in-love with me once I see her tomorrow.

I'm skipping tomorrow. Me and the other gang I love so much got plans, yo.

I really like Lilly. She's so damn cool. We were saying things at the same time, laughing at the same things, and we even have two sperate lives. One with innocent friends like Ambar, and the other with drinking and shit like Aidrian. She even said I reminded her of herself and her best friends. We were alone taking pictures and I felt like I could talk to her about anything anywhere.

I told Ambar about what happened with Kevin and Katherine. We both cried together, and I knew right then that I will never have another friend like her.

I got to flirt around with Lily's half-brother. We went to their house and I almost peed in my pants from laughing so hard. We played videogames and air hockey, and we ate the biggest breakfast I've ever seen. It looked like Thanksgiving and I ate everything on my plate, it was that good!

I danced with Ambar in the street, the mall, and everywhere else.

Me and Ambar were close to cuddling when we fell asleep last night. Haha!

Lilly straightened my hair and she also gave me the coolest compliment last night.

Jeramie and Rigo are the coolest kids.

I learned that Lily is my own reincarnation. Down to every last detail of my personality. We were at her house and she told me she already counted me as one of her best friends. We love the same music, artists, movies, and tell the same jokes.

Me and Ambar laughed our asses off at the most stupidest things.

We made videos, took pictures, and did things I will always love her for. She's so much fun, I wish she was my neighbor.

It was made clear to me yesterday that I will leave for Kingwood Park next semester. Nothing's gonna stop me now. I don't need Pius or anyone that's there.

I smashed a ketchup packet, and ate brownies. *smiles*

I actually got so tired of smiling that it made me smile wider. I was incredibly happy this weekend. Ambar is the coolest kid I will ever know, and I will always love her no matter what. If she was a guy, I would kiss her. Haha.

Dani is like my sister now. Lilly is my twin. Ambar is my half-sister. Lilly's brothers are my... Friends. Ha. Shelby's sweet.

Noah is very weird and he needs to stop liking me. Seriously.

I'm writing like this because this weekend is too long to explain and put quotes in, although we had some funny ones!! So this is a Summary.

I almost kicked a girls ass, but she ran away from me. Ambar's dad tried to kick me out of his car and walk to my tia's house. We almost died in his car. We sang rap songs.

Ambar and her mom were surprised when they say my plate empty. HA ha.

I saw SAW 3 in black and white in Noah's gararge. I listened to Lilly's stories and I told her some of mine. I almost slapped someone.

I chocked on marshmallows and got chased by Adam (Lydia's brother). Her mom also grabbed me and forced me into a hug saying, "Where have you been hiding?" We talked, but Adam started a Head Hitting War.

It was the Most Fun I've had with People I Never See.

I shoved popcorn down my throat in a video to prove I wasn't anorexic.

Me and Ambi reminisced about people we hated in Seton, and how we backed eachother up numerous times.

AMBAR I LOVE YOU!

Everyone has a Secret that would Break Your Heart

"Some angel YOU turned out to be."
"Hey!" I exclaimed. "I tried my hardest--"
"But you're best wasn't good enough. You left her. Now she's in the Void. We both know what that's like. Take a few steps back, she could become herself again. Take a few forward, she'll become the person she was meant to be. But we both know all too well that clients tend to walk in circles. They're most likely to walk to the sidelines, leading to Misery."
"What do you suggest I DO then, Jake?" I put my hands on my hips.
"Angels have wings, don't they?" He smiled. "Fly down and pull her out of the Void."

I told myself I wasn't going to update ever again, but old habits die hard I guess. That's part of this stupid story I'm writing. I say 'stupid' because I think it's the coolest. Ha.

Anyways. Me and Olga were giggling in Photography because we didn't know how to mat or cut anything. We kept doing it wrong, but both of us kept making suggestions and saying, "No, no you do this." Turns out we're both wrong. I pushed her and she almost cut herself on the blade. We both gasped then burst out laughing. Tessa and I were bitching and laughing at eachother after Theology because I was telling her about my good 'ol Soccer Days back at Seton. I had grabbed her hand to show her what me and Kristen looked like at practice one day when Coach was kicking soccer balls at us. Some freshman snickered and whispered something I didn't hear. Tessa did and she wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me into her, and placing another on my cheek. I had to wrap my arms around her neck to keep from falling.
"Tessa?" I said when she was just staring at me with those eyes. "What are you doing?" Luckily, Haley was in the bathroom. She would have probably screamed.
"Shhh." Tessa whispers. "Don't move." She leans in, and I freak, doing the only thing that came to mind. I let go of her neck and fell on my back with a sick thud. Tessa freaks out and the kid goes away. She kept asking if I was okay so I gave her a wink and she slapped my arm.

In Math, me and Travis were snickering at eachother. I had called his name and he turned his head right into my marker so his face had a black dot on it. Mrs. Griffis was suspicious so we had to whisper giggle. I don't know what to call it. He tells me he's failing Theology for the second time. I draw heavily in my sketchbook and he suddenly asks me what happened between me and Lydia. I tell him everything until Haley walks up. I get her and Melissa talking so I could continue. I was blushing the entire time. I even covered my face so he wouldn't see me blush. He kept trying to pull my arms down so he could see, cause I never blush infront of him, but I wouldn't let him. I start teasing him about him always blushing around me and I say, "You always blush! What are you talking about? You're such a liar!"
"Whatever! You're gay!" I gasped, he did too, and then we both started to laugh. I couldn't stop it as tears came to my eyes. It was absolutely perfect. For once, Travis had me pinned up against the wall. I kept shaking my head as the tears shined and he kept apologizing between laughs.
"I didn't---haha-mean it--haha--like-haha-that!" He says.
"WHATEVER!!!"
"I JUST MEANT YOU'RE GAY! BUT NOT THAT GAY!" Which only made me laugh harder. We argued about it in the hallway. I go to my locker and Peter tells me some kid is failing Theology, I say, "Who fails Theology?" I look over my shoulder at Travis and yell, "OH WAIT! TRAVIS IS FAILING THEOLOGY!!!" He looks at me and bursts out laughing, so do I.

In Bio, Tomoko tells me about how bad Lexy is too her and how much she wants a new family. Some lady came in with a camera and shot people acting stupid in our class pretending to look through microscopes. Like we knew how to use one anyway! Pft. Kendra tackle hugs me during Lunch.

Me and Christina giggle after 5th period in the bathroom. I had Dan's keys, Michael gave them to me, (both seniors) and ew were laughing at all this random shit. We ran to our next period and I get there on time for once!! History was funny. Because our sub was being completely stupid. Anyways.

After school, me and Matt and Misti kept laughing at eachother. We gave Dan's keys back. Trey was being yelled at by Misti and Robyn was laughing at me. I go into a little group with Tori, my sister, and Tomoko. She tells me the rest of her story and we all oodle her keychains. Tomoko offers me the dolphin one, but I didn't want to be man and take it from her, so I smiled and told her how much I wanted it, but how much I didn't want her to part with it. I left Ambar a dumbass message and she calls me back! Yay!! Cookies were somehere in there... Tori and I kept giggling at eachother. When we were walking out, my sister says, "Watch out." And I instinctively duck. Trey comes outta nowhere and falls flat on his ass. I burst out laughing and run away when he tries to get up.

Jake calls me after I get home. He only calls me to congratulate me, or criticize me. Sadly, its the latter. I yelled my head off, but he kept calm like he always does in these situations. Ugh.

Looks like I still have some work to do.